When I complete a neuropsychological evaluation that results in a new diagnosis of autism, it is often followed by parents’ many questions, fears, and concerns for how to support their child and for their future. When a child receives a new autism diagnosis, parents are often hit with a flood of emotions—relief, confusion, and sometimes fear of what comes next. One of the biggest questions for families with children in private schools is: Should we share this diagnosis with the school? It’s a deeply personal decision that can have a meaningful impact on your child’s educational journey.
Let’s explore the pros and cons to help you make the decision that feels right for your child and family.
The Case for Sharing the Diagnosis
1. Access to Support & Accommodations
Even in private schools, where resources can vary widely, sharing a diagnosis may unlock valuable academic and emotional supports. From sensory-friendly strategies to flexible deadlines, knowing your child’s needs helps educators tailor their approach.
2. Building Understanding and Empathy
When teachers know what’s behind certain behaviors—like difficulty with transitions or needing more processing time—they can respond with empathy instead of frustration.
3. Creating a Team Approach
You’re not alone in supporting your child. By looping in the school, you build a team that can align on goals, communication strategies, and long-term plans. In addition, the school may be able to collaborate with outside treatment providers in order to provide continuity of treatment efforts across environments.
4. Preventing Mislabeling or Misunderstanding
Without context, a child’s behaviors might be misinterpreted as disrespect, laziness, or defiance. A diagnosis can shift the lens from judgment to support.
The Reasons Some Parents Hold Back
1. Fear of Stigma
Sadly, stigma around autism still exists. Some parents worry that their child may be labeled, underestimated, or excluded from opportunities if their diagnosis is known.
2. Concerns About Confidentiality
In smaller private schools, word travels fast. You may worry who will know and how the information will be handled.
3. Uncertain How the School Will Respond
Not all private schools have strong support systems in place for neurodivergent students. If you’re unsure how receptive or knowledgeable the staff is, you might hesitate.
4. Desire to See the "Unfiltered" Experience
Some parents choose to wait and see how their child fares without any labels, hoping the school will treat them without bias.
Things to Consider Before You Decide
What kind of support does your child need—now and long term?
How well do you know the school's philosophy and openness to neurodiversity?
Do you trust the teachers and administration to handle the information sensitively?
Could not sharing lead to misunderstandings that hurt your child emotionally or academically?
If You Decide to Share…
Frame the diagnosis as a tool for understanding, not a limitation.
Highlight your child’s strengths and what strategies have worked at home or in therapy.
Ask for a meeting to create a collaborative plan—this shows you’re a partner, not just making demands.
Final Thoughts
There’s no universally “right” decision—only what’s right for your child. Trust your instincts, gather information, and know that whatever you decide, you can revisit it as circumstances evolve. Diagnosis or not, your child deserves to be understood, supported, and celebrated exactly as they are. With all of this being said, I often ask parents to reflect on the question: “if you do not trust a school to handle a new diagnosis for your child appropriately by honoring and supporting them, celebrating their strengths and accommodating their needs, is the school the right fit for them?” It is important to form a strong partnership with school and to be transparent about concerns as well as sharing the joys of your child’s strengths. So often, parents’ reticence to share a diagnosis has more to do with their own unresolved grief related to their child’s diagnosis, feelings of shame, or fears of their family or their children not fitting it. It takes courage at times to embrace our children as fully human with all of their strengths and weaknesses or to grieve the loss of the idealized child we imagine we would have.