5 Signs that Your Child May Have ADHD: How to Recognize the Red Flags Early—and Take Action to Help Your Child Thrive

Breaking the Myths: Why Ignoring ADHD Harms More Than Helps

There are common misconceptions about children with ADHD and a social tendency to minimize its validity and the impact of untreated ADHD on children’s ability to thrive. We’ve all heard these misconceptions: “He’s a boy – don’t all boys have ADHD?” “He is a kid – how can we expect him to sit still.” Or worse still “if you provided proper discipline he would not behave like this.”

ADHD, while relatively common, should not be minimized or overlooked by parents or professionals. Misattributing symptoms of ADHD to a child’s behavioral problem or to parental incompetence does little to address the problem and will leave them at risk. As parents, if we choosing not to address symptoms that our children cannot control, we leave them vulnerable to learning, social and behavioral problems. In childhood, this can mean that our children are punished for behavior they can’t control, experience friendship issues, or are accident prone. Scarier still, unaddressed ADHD in adulthood is associated with a range of even more serious problems, including school failure and dropout, alcohol abuse, relationship issues, pregnancy, car accidents and trouble with the law. By addressing ADHD in childhood, we give our kids the gift of knowing themselves, learning how to address the weaknesses caused by ADHD and how to capitalize on the many amazing strengths that people with ADHD have.

So what is ADHD and when should you worry?

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulty regulating attention and/or display of impulsive/hyperactive behavior. It is important to understand that children with ADHD do not necessarily have trouble concentrating or focusing all the time, but they may have trouble regulating their attention to focus on the right things. For example, a child in math class who is immersed in writing a catalog of his favorite pokemon collection is very focused, but their mind is not regulated to the critical task of learning multiplication. Hyperactive and impulsive behavior can manifest as frequently interrupting, reslessness and difficulty sitting still, trouble regulating strong emotions, and acting without thinking. Children with ADHD may experience only attention regulation difficulties, only impulsive hyperactive behavior, or a combination of both.

Five Common Signs of ADHD

Your child may have ADHD if…

1.       Your child has difficulty starting tasks and seeing them to completion. These tasks could range from doing homework, to cleaning their room, to emptying their school bag, to competing an art project of their own choosing. Children with ADHD often have trouble with task initiation and self-monitoring, or their ability to be mindful of progress that the are making towards a goal.

2.       Your child has strong and wide ranging emotions. Children with ADHD can often cycle quickly from silly laughing to cartoon-style tears in a matter of seconds. Children with ADHD can have difficulty inhibiting impulses, which includes managing strong emotions that they may have.

3.       Your child interrupts and talks excessively. Children with ADHD sometimes have difficulty waiting for their turn, including pauses in conversations. They may seek your attention with a stream of consciousness with everything that is on their mind.

4.       Your child has difficulty paying attention to the right things. Children with ADHD can experience hyperfocus, particularly on things that they are naturally interested in. I have occasionally had parents express confusion over an ADHD diagnosis because they see their child pay attention so intently at times. Again, children with ADHD have the ability to pay attention sometimes, but often have trouble regulating their attention to the things they are supposed to be paying attention to. This can make them accident prone and frustrated when they are chastized for not doing what they are supposed to – in fact they may not have even registered the adult expectation.

5.       Your child is highly creative with many big ideas and plans. Children with ADHD often bring a lot of energy to life. This is such an amazing superpower and can be so fun as a parent (though sometimes exhausting too). If you child is fully of energy, ideas and enthusiasm it may be a clue about the way that his brain works.

So What Can I Do About It?

The first step to follow if you suspect that your child may have ADHD is to schedule an evaluation with a psychologist. In public schools, you can request an IEP (see my blog post on requesting an IEP through the public school system). If your child is in private school you can request an independent evaluation with a psychologist. The evaluation process is lengthy (usually at least two sessions of multiple hours at a time) and will give you a ton of great information about your child. Following diagnosis, the psychologist will make recommendations and give you treatment options. The best treatment for ADHD typically involves a multi pronged approach including

·       accommodation  (extended time on tests, preferential seating in the classroom),

·       intervention (executive functioning coaching, teaching of memory nemonics, and organizational skills)

·       medication (often stimulant medications to support attention and focus)

Medications, really?

Medications for children with ADHD include methylphenidate (ritalin, concerta) and amphetamines (adderall, vyvanse). You, like many parents, may worry about giving medication to their children, especially young children. It is true that there are some side effects to consider with medications for ADHD. These include appetite suppression which can lead to weight loss, insomnia, irritability, stomach aches, and (usually mild) increases in blood pressure.

Risks of Untreated ADHD

However, it is important to remember that there are risks of not treating ADHD too. In childhood, these may include difficulty with friendships, academic issues due to lack of availability to learn, mental health problems like depression and anxiety, and proneness to accidents and injuries. In adulthood, people with untreated ADHD may experience higher risks of smoking and substance abuse, financial instability, legal issues, increased depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, increased risk of arrest, difficulty maintaining friendships and romantic relationships, underachievement in school and higher rates of school dropout.

Long-term Benefits of Medications for ADHD

Mediations to treat ADHD have also been observed with the following benefits, including permanent long-term benefits, according to a review and meta-analysis published in Neuroscience and Behavioral Reviews.

·       Improved attention, inhibition and reaction time

·       Enhanced working memory

·       Neuroprotective effects. Long term stimulant use in children with ADHD is correlated with increased cortical thickness. This suggests that medication may protect brain development and mitigate structural differences observed in untreated ADHD.

Key Takeaways

1.       Although treatment options for ADHD are a personal decision for families, I believe, in many cases, benefits of medications outweigh the costs. I recommend that you weigh the side effects of giving medications to your children against the risks of not treating your child’s ADHD appropriately. At a minimum it may be helpful to consult with your child’s pediatrician or a psychiatrist to help you make this decision.

2.       If you wonder whether your child has ADHD I think it is worth formally asking this question of a psychologist. I invite the parents I work with to reframe their thinking about what an ADHD diagnosis means. ADHD does not mean that something is wrong with your child, it is simply a description of how your child’s brain works. The good news is that there are clear solutions for the difficulties that people with ADHD face. And Importantly, people with ADHD have many amazing strengths that are worth celebrating. Their brains are wired for creativity, curiosity, and out-of-the-box thinking—making them natural innovators and problem-solvers. Many have a remarkable ability to hyperfocus on what they love, diving deep into passions and producing brilliant work when engaged. Their high energy can be infectious, bringing enthusiasm, spontaneity, and fun to teams, classrooms, and families. They’re often deeply empathetic, intuitive, and resilient, having developed emotional intelligence from navigating a world that doesn’t always understand them. With the right support, individuals with ADHD don’t just cope—they thrive, often becoming the inventors, artists, entrepreneurs, and leaders who push boundaries and spark change.

Final Thoughts

In the end, understanding ADHD isn’t about labeling your child—it’s about unlocking their potential. Recognizing the signs and seeking a proper evaluation opens the door to tools, strategies, and supports that can change the course of your child’s life. When ADHD is addressed with compassion and science-based treatment, kids can thrive not in spite of their differences, but because of them. With the right help, their big ideas, boundless energy, and creativity become superpowers—not struggles. You don’t have to walk this path alone, and your child doesn’t have to face these challenges without a map. The first step is simply asking the question—and being open to the answers.

References (for the curious mind)

Barkley, R. A., Fischer, M., Smallish, L., & Fletcher, K. (2006). Young adult outcome of hyperactive children: Adaptive functioning in major life activities. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 45(2), 192–202. https://doi.org/10.1097/01.chi.0000189134.97436.e2

Biederman, J., Petty, C. R., Clarke, A., Lomedico, A., & Faraone, S. V. (2011). Predictors of persistent ADHD: An 11-year follow-up study. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 45(2), 150–155. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.05.002

Molina, B. S. G., Hinshaw, S. P., Swanson, J. M., Arnold, L. E., Vitiello, B., Jensen, P. S., ... & MTA Cooperative Group. (2009). The MTA at 8 years: Prospective follow-up of children treated for combined-type ADHD in a multisite study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 48(5), 484–500. https://doi.org/10.1097/CHI.0b013e31819c23d0

Shaw, M., Hodgkins, P., Caci, H., Young, S., Kahle, J., Woods, A. G., & Arnold, L. E. (2012). A systematic review and analysis of long-term outcomes in attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: Effects of treatment and non-treatment. BMC Medicine, 10, 99. https://doi.org/10.1186/1741-7015-10-99

Wilens, T. E., & Spencer, T. J. (2010). Understanding attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder from childhood to adulthood. Postgraduate Medicine, 122(5), 97–109. https://doi.org/10.3810/pgm.2010.09.2206

Daviss, W. B. (2008). A review of co-morbid depression in pediatric ADHD: Etiology, phenomenology, and treatment. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychopharmacology, 18(6), 565–571. https://doi.org/10.1089/cap.2008.032

Barkley, R. A., & Murphy, K. R. (2006). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A clinical workbook (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Langley, K., Fowler, T. A., Ford, T., Thapar, A. K., & Thapar, A. (2010). Adverse outcomes and risk behaviors in boys with ADHD: A controlled, prospective 10-year follow-up study. Psychological Medicine, 40(4), 667–678. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291709990831

Dalsgaard, S., Østergaard, S. D., Leckman, J. F., Mortensen, P. B., & Pedersen, M. G. (2015). Mortality in children, adolescents, and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: A nationwide cohort study. The Lancet, 385(9983), 2190–2196. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(14)61684-6

Spencer, T. J., Biederman, J., Mick, E., & Faraone, S. V. (2007). The overlap of ADHD and bipolar disorder in children: A therapeutic challenge. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychopharmacology, 17(1), 87–93. https://doi.org/10.1089/cap.2006.0121

Rubia, K., El Masri, S., Radua, J., & Isfandnia, F. (2024). The effects of chronic administration of stimulant and non-stimulant medications on executive functions in ADHD: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 162, 105703. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2024.105703

What’s Shame Got to Do With It? How Shame After Divorce Impacts Coparenting

In my life as a mother, sister, daughter and friend I have been inspired by the work of Dr. Brené Brown, whose groundbreaking work as a shame researcher has revolutionized the way that many people think about their life and relationships. Dr. Brown has also inspired my work as a professional psychologist. In my leadership role on the Georgia Psychological Association Ethics Committee, I have spoken to my colleagues about the role of shame in confronting mistakes we make as professionals and managing ethical dilemmas with vulnerability, humility, and courage. I have helped my clients dealing with the pain of relationship difficulties, the heavy grip of depression, and the exhausting battle with perfectionism and OCD acknowledge the role of shame in their own lives. Increasingly, in my practice as a psychologist working with divorcing and coparenting couples, I have become aware of how deeply the pain and shame of divorce impacts parents’ ability to heal from their past and build a successful coparenting relationship for their children’s sake.

Dr. Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” After divorce, this can sound like:

• “I failed my family.”

• “I’m a bad parent.”

• “People must be judging me.”

• “This isn’t who I was supposed to be.”

And here’s the truth: when we don’t deal with shame, it deals with us — often showing up in our coparenting relationship in quiet but powerful ways.

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Shame in Action: How It Affects Coparenting

Shame rarely announces itself directly. As Brené Brown says, shame loves secrecy, silence, and judgment. Instead, it hides behind patterns like:

• Overcompensating: Trying to be the “perfect parent” to redeem yourself — often sidelining your co-parent in the process.

“When perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun.” — Brené Brown

• Gatekeeping: Feeling like only you can parent correctly, because you’re trying to regain control or prove worth.

Shame often leads us to “armor up,” creating distance instead of connection.

• Blame and defensiveness: If shame says “I’m not enough,” blame lets you say, “It’s all their fault.” It feels safer — but it’s a barrier to productive coparenting.

• Withdrawing: Avoiding conflict, hard conversations, or shared decision-making because you don’t feel confident in your role.

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How Shame Affects Your Kids

Kids are sensitive to emotional undercurrents. When parents parent from a place of shame, kids may feel:

• Confused by inconsistent or anxious behavior

• Pressured to choose sides

• Like they are responsible for the emotional well-being of one or both parents

As Brené Brown writes in Daring Greatly, “Who we are matters infinitely more than what we know or who we want to be.” Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one — and that starts with working through the shame.

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Healing the Shame, Strengthening the Coparenting

So what can you do? As Brené teaches, the antidote to shame is empathy, vulnerability, and connection.

1. Name it to tame it.

Own the shame. Say it out loud — to a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend. You don’t have to carry it alone.

2. Dare to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s the key to courage. Try saying: “I’m struggling with feeling like I’ve failed, and I know it’s impacting how I coparent.”

3. Shift the inner narrative.

Replace “I’m a bad parent” with “I’m doing the best I can, and I’m learning.” Self-compassion is not optional — it’s essential.

4. Lead with curiosity, not criticism.

When you notice yourself reacting strongly to your co-parent, pause. Ask: “Is this about them — or is this about something I haven’t healed in me?”

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Final Thought

As Brené Brown reminds us, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

You are not your divorce. You are not your lowest moment. And you are not alone.

When you face shame with honesty and courage, you not only become a better coparent — you become a more whole version of yourself. And that’s the parent your child truly needs.

To Tell or Not to Tell? Weighing Whether to Share Your Child’s Autism Diagnosis with Their Private School

When I complete a neuropsychological evaluation that results in a new diagnosis of autism, it is often followed by parents’ many questions, fears, and concerns for how to support their child and for their future. When a child receives a new autism diagnosis, parents are often hit with a flood of emotions—relief, confusion, and sometimes fear of what comes next. One of the biggest questions for families with children in private schools is: Should we share this diagnosis with the school? It’s a deeply personal decision that can have a meaningful impact on your child’s educational journey.

Let’s explore the pros and cons to help you make the decision that feels right for your child and family.

The Case for Sharing the Diagnosis

1. Access to Support & Accommodations
Even in private schools, where resources can vary widely, sharing a diagnosis may unlock valuable academic and emotional supports. From sensory-friendly strategies to flexible deadlines, knowing your child’s needs helps educators tailor their approach.

2. Building Understanding and Empathy
When teachers know what’s behind certain behaviors—like difficulty with transitions or needing more processing time—they can respond with empathy instead of frustration.

3. Creating a Team Approach
You’re not alone in supporting your child. By looping in the school, you build a team that can align on goals, communication strategies, and long-term plans. In addition, the school may be able to collaborate with outside treatment providers in order to provide continuity of treatment efforts across environments.

4. Preventing Mislabeling or Misunderstanding
Without context, a child’s behaviors might be misinterpreted as disrespect, laziness, or defiance. A diagnosis can shift the lens from judgment to support.

The Reasons Some Parents Hold Back

1. Fear of Stigma
Sadly, stigma around autism still exists. Some parents worry that their child may be labeled, underestimated, or excluded from opportunities if their diagnosis is known.

2. Concerns About Confidentiality
In smaller private schools, word travels fast. You may worry who will know and how the information will be handled.

3. Uncertain How the School Will Respond
Not all private schools have strong support systems in place for neurodivergent students. If you’re unsure how receptive or knowledgeable the staff is, you might hesitate.

4. Desire to See the "Unfiltered" Experience
Some parents choose to wait and see how their child fares without any labels, hoping the school will treat them without bias.

Things to Consider Before You Decide

  • What kind of support does your child need—now and long term?

  • How well do you know the school's philosophy and openness to neurodiversity?

  • Do you trust the teachers and administration to handle the information sensitively?

  • Could not sharing lead to misunderstandings that hurt your child emotionally or academically?

If You Decide to Share…

  • Frame the diagnosis as a tool for understanding, not a limitation.

  • Highlight your child’s strengths and what strategies have worked at home or in therapy.

  • Ask for a meeting to create a collaborative plan—this shows you’re a partner, not just making demands.

Final Thoughts

There’s no universally “right” decision—only what’s right for your child. Trust your instincts, gather information, and know that whatever you decide, you can revisit it as circumstances evolve. Diagnosis or not, your child deserves to be understood, supported, and celebrated exactly as they are. With all of this being said, I often ask parents to reflect on the question: “if you do not trust a school to handle a new diagnosis for your child appropriately by honoring and supporting them, celebrating their strengths and accommodating their needs, is the school the right fit for them?” It is important to form a strong partnership with school and to be transparent about concerns as well as sharing the joys of your child’s strengths. So often, parents’ reticence to share a diagnosis has more to do with their own unresolved grief related to their child’s diagnosis, feelings of shame, or fears of their family or their children not fitting it. It takes courage at times to embrace our children as fully human with all of their strengths and weaknesses or to grieve the loss of the idealized child we imagine we would have.

The Power of Proximity: How Living Near Your Ex Can Boost Your Child’s Well-Being

Introduction

As a greater Atlanta native, I am no stranger to the collective pain we all experience navigating traffic in our car-reliant commuter city. My relationship with Atlanta traffic began as a 16-year-old as I navigated 3 major highways daily with my siblings in my morning commute from Crabapple (now, Milton) to my beloved St. Pius high school in the city (Go Lions! And go boomer parenting ha!). More recently, we have had some relief. While covid19 brought devasting loss, isolation, and stress for so many Atlantans, the silver lining for Atlanta residents meant a sigh of relief as we became more familiar with virtual tools that would lessen the burden of our work commutes. However, while commuting to and from work became easier in the 2020s, parents still have to brave the Atlanta streets to shuttle their kids to and from school, extracurricular activities, therapy, play dates, etc. Divorced families have the increased burden of shuttling children (and their things) frequently between two homes. No one wants their children to spend their childhood in the car (plus its dangerous!) - so proximity matters. And for divorced families this means living close together. In fact, research has shown that divorced families that live close together experience less stress and report more satisfaction with their coparenting relationships.

The Case for Staying Close

Divorce often brings significant changes, and one of the most impactful decisions is where each parent will live. While some may consider moving far away to start fresh, research suggests that maintaining physical proximity to your ex-spouse can offer substantial benefits for your child’s emotional well-being and development.

1. Enhanced Co-Parenting Communication

Living near your ex-spouse facilitates easier and more frequent communication. This proximity allows for quicker resolutions to parenting issues and more consistent enforcement of rules and expectations across both households. Studies have shown that effective co-parenting, characterized by low conflict and high cooperation, leads to better adjustment and fewer behavioral problems in children post-divorce .

2. Stability and Familiarity for Children

Children thrive on routine and stability. When both parents reside nearby, children can maintain consistent schedules, attend the same schools, and keep up with extracurricular activities without the added stress of long-distance travel. This continuity helps reduce anxiety and supports emotional stability during the transition .

3. Stronger School and Community Engagement

Proximity allows both parents to be actively involved in their child's education and social life. Attending parent-teacher conferences, school events, and participating in community activities becomes more feasible, ensuring that both parents remain engaged and supportive of their child's development .

4. Reduced Conflict and Stress

Living close to your ex-spouse can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts related to logistics, such as transportation and scheduling. This reduction in stress contributes to a more harmonious co-parenting relationship and a healthier environment for the child .

5. Financial and Logistical Benefits

Sharing responsibilities like school runs, medical appointments, and extracurricular activities can alleviate the logistical burden on both parents. This shared responsibility not only eases the daily routine but can also lead to financial savings, as costs are divided and resources are utilized more efficiently .

Conclusion: A Strategic Choice for Family Well-Being

While every family situation is unique, living near your ex-spouse after divorce can provide numerous advantages for your child's emotional health and development. By fostering a cooperative co-parenting relationship, maintaining stability, and staying actively involved in your child's life, you can help ensure a positive post-divorce experience for your family and ease the traffic burden for the rest of us on I-285.

Further Reading & Resources:

How Do I Get Over My Divorce? : Coping with Grief and Loneliness After the Ending of a Marriage

The Hidden Heartache of Divorce
If you are divorced and reading this, chances are you're already familiar with the deep and disorienting emotions that come with this transition. What many people don’t talk about is the invisible grief—the ache that lingers beneath the surface long after the paperwork is filed. It’s the gut-wrenching knot in your stomach when the house is suddenly too quiet. It’s lying awake at night, cycling through fears about your future, and worrying—deeply—about what this change means for your children.

You may feel pressure to "move on," to "stay strong" for your kids or to present a brave face at work and with friends. But inside, there can be a profound sense of loss of identity, isolation, and even shame. The end of a marriage is not just the loss of a partner—it can feel like the loss of a shared vision, a home, a family rhythm, and a sense of emotional safety.

And the pain isn’t always visible to others. Friends may grow quiet. Extended family may not know what to say. Even your children, depending on their age and temperament, may not express their own confusion or sadness in ways that are easy to recognize. That emotional invisibility can make the heartache feel even more isolating.

When Grief Doesn't Follow the Rules
Divorce grief is rarely tidy. Unlike the grief that follows a death—where there is a clear, socially accepted process of mourning—the emotional aftermath of divorce often unfolds in silence, confusion, and contradiction. The loss isn’t always final or obvious. Your ex may still be present in your life, in your children’s lives, or even in your home through shared custody arrangements. That ongoing presence can make closure feel impossible.

Instead of "clean grief," what emerges is a storm of conflicting emotions—loneliness, anger, denial, resentment, guilt, relief—all coexisting in uncomfortable ways. One moment, you might feel heartbroken; the next, strangely free. You might mourn what was, even as you recognize it was no longer sustainable. You may rage at your former partner while still grieving the loss of your shared life and history.

When children are involved, the emotional complexity deepens. Your pain doesn’t exist in isolation—it’s interwoven with their well-being, their reactions, and their ability to adapt. You may find yourself suppressing your emotions to appear strong for them, all while navigating the heartbreak of missed milestones, empty holidays, or parenting disagreements that reopen old wounds.

This type of grief doesn’t follow the typical five stages. It loops and spirals, often reactivating during transitions: a school event, a birthday, a co-parenting conflict. And because divorce isn’t always acknowledged as a true form of loss, others may struggle to empathize—offering platitudes like “You’re better off,” or “At least you still have your kids,” without recognizing the depth and complexity of your experience.

Understanding Ambiguous Grief

The complexity of emotions experienced through divorce is best termed “ambiguous grief.” It is grief that lacks a clear boundary, resolution, or closure. While your relationship as a married couple has ended, you may still share children, communities, churches, and friends. You still need to interact with each other to take care of your kids, make decisions for your family, or show up for events in the communities or friend groups that you still share.

More Than Just a Breakup

Even if you may have filed for divorce or the divorce may be non-contested, there are still many complex emotions involved—and this can be confusing. You may be left with disappointment that your partner was not the person that you thought they would be, shame or guilt over what you could have done better, and sadness over the loss of dreams in the life that you built for your family. The ambiguous grief of divorce can be prolonged and may not be fully recognized by friends and family who may not appreciate the depth of the loss. It may even be difficult to identify these emotions in yourself.

Layered Losses: It’s Not Just the Marriage

For many divorced parents, the loss is not isolated to separation from a romantic attachment. There is also the loss of beloved former extended family members, mutual friends, or even separation from places and routines that have been part of your life for a long time.

Identity in Transition

There is also often an identity loss, as your identity evolves from married to divorced, two-parent household to single parent, stay-at-home parent to working parent, from husband/wife to coparent. There are so many adjustments.

The Pain We Create Ourselves

However, I contend that there is the pain that divorce naturally inflicts, and then there is the pain that you may inflict on yourself and your family. This comes from the conflict and power struggles that parents continue to engage in, even after the divorce is final.

Toxic Ties That Bind

Often, coparents continue to engage in this toxic dance as an unhealthy way of staying connected to each other, punishing each other for past hurt, or to “win” through competitive coparenting.

Moving Toward Peace

Ambiguous grief, by definition, involves pain over a loss that is ongoing and unresolved. Finding peace and closure is an essential task for coparents—both to be able to move forward themselves and to promote resilience in their children. Understanding that your grief may not look like anyone else’s—and that it may not follow a straight line—is part of the healing process. It’s okay if your emotions feel disorganized. It’s okay if you don’t know how to grieve something that’s still partially present. Divorce is a living loss, and healing requires space, support, and permission to feel what you feel—without apology.

Taking Steps Towards Healing: Coping with Ambiguous Grief in Divorce

Step 1 - Acknowledge the legitimacy of your grief, no matter what the circumstances of your divorce—you are grieving the loss of a shared future, of emotional intimacy, of the version of life you thought you’d have. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions without judgment: sadness, anger, even occasional hope or relief. Create space for these emotions through journaling, therapy, or quiet reflection.

Step 2 - Establish new rituals and boundaries that honor your changing identity while protecting your emotional energy. And most importantly, practice self-compassion—healing from ambiguous grief is not about "moving on," but learning to live fully, even when part of your heart is still untangling what was.

  • Redecorate your space or rearrange your home to reflect this new chapter.

  • Establish new holiday or weekend traditions with your children or for yourself.

  • Start something small but symbolic that helps you claim this new phase.

Step 3 - Lean in to Healthy Coparenting. Avoid falling into old emotional dynamics or rehashing past conflicts. Read and learn about strategies for effective co-parenting, including how to compartmentalize the emotional baggage that you carry from your divorce. Focus on the future of your coparenting relationship and the life you still share with your kids rather than on the history.

Step 4: Prioritize Your Self-Care

  • Try simple daily practices like grounding or mindfulness techniques

  • Keep a “grief journal” to explore feelings without judgment.

  • Exercise regularly, prioritize sleep, and maintain a healthy diet

Step 5: Connect with Supportive People

  • Join a support group for individuals navigating divorce or ambiguous grief.

  • Reach out to friends who are good listeners, not just advice-givers.

  • Consider working with a therapist trained in divorce, grief, or relational trauma.

The Silent Struggle: Finding Yourself After Divorce

Divorce may end a marriage, but it rarely ends the emotional story. The hidden heartache of divorce—its ambiguous grief, identity shifts, and quiet, persistent ache—often goes unspoken and unrecognized. It’s not just the loss of a partner; it’s the unraveling of a shared life, a future once imagined, and the roles you played within it. When children are involved, this grief grows even more complex and enduring. But healing is possible, not through rushing to "move on," but by giving yourself permission to grieve what is still partially present. By creating new boundaries, rituals, and roles—and letting go of toxic dynamics—you begin the process of reclaiming your identity and building peace, both for yourself and your children. Divorce may be a chapter of deep pain, but with intention, support, and self-compassion, it can also be the beginning of a powerful transformation.

Split Screens: Managing Tech & Social Media Safety Across Divorced Households

Introduction: Two Homes, One Digital World

Parenting in the digital age is tricky. Parenting across two homes in the digital age? That’s next-level.

When you're co-parenting after a divorce, managing your child's use of technology—phones, tablets, video games, and especially social media—can feel like a constant battle. Different rules in different houses. Different boundaries, screen time limits, and philosophies on privacy. And in the middle? Your child, navigating a digital world without a consistent playbook.

The good news? You don’t have to agree on everything. But by applying common-sense guidelines and open communication, you can create a tech-safe environment that works across households.

1. Start With a Shared Philosophy (Not Just Rules)

Even if you and your co-parent have different parenting styles, try to agree on core values around technology. For example:

  • We want our child to be safe online.

  • We want them to balance screen time with real-life activities.

  • We want to encourage responsibility and open communication.

You may not align on every app or time limit, but shared goals reduce conflict and help kids feel supported—not confused.

2. Use Common Sense Media as Your Neutral Guide

When you can’t agree, let the experts do the talking.
Common Sense Media is a nonprofit that reviews apps, games, social platforms, and shows. It gives age-based recommendations and highlights risks like inappropriate content, privacy concerns, and potential for cyberbullying.

✅ Pro Tip: Bookmark the Parents’ Ultimate Guides section for quick, reliable info on apps like TikTok, Snapchat, Discord, and YouTube.

3. Align on the Big Tech Boundaries

Even if one home has stricter screen time rules, it helps to sync on the essentials:

  • 🚫 No devices in bedrooms overnight

  • 🚫 No social media before age 16 (or older)

  • ✅ Both parents know all passwords

  • ✅ Use of parental controls like Screen Time or Family Link

  • ✅ Clear consequences for misuse (and both homes uphold them)

A shared tech contract can go a long way. Tools like Common Sense’s Family Media Agreement help lay out expectations that both parents and kids can sign.

4. Communicate Through Tech, Not Just About It

Apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents aren’t just for logistics—they’re useful for sharing screenshots, discussing new apps your child wants, or flagging concerns without combative texts.

Also: consider creating a shared calendar for screen-free days, digital detoxes, or agreed-upon app reviews.

5. What If One Parent Refuses to Cooperate?

Unfortunately, this happens. You can’t control the other house—but you can create a safe, transparent environment in yours.

Keep having open conversations with your child about:

  • What’s appropriate and respectful online

  • How to handle peer pressure or online bullying

  • Why rules exist, even if they’re different between homes

Kids are incredibly adaptive. If one home is consistent and caring about tech use, they’ll carry those values with them.

6. Teach Digital Citizenship, Not Just Restrictions

Discipline and limits are important—but so is education. Help your child learn how to:

  • Think critically about what they see online

  • Protect their privacy

  • Recognize manipulation, misinformation, and risky behavior

  • Speak up when something feels off

And remember: modeling matters. Kids learn more from how we use our own devices than what we say about theirs.

Final Thought: Co-Parenting in a Connected World

Managing tech in a divorced household isn't about controlling every app or agreeing on every policy. It's about working toward shared values, creating a sense of stability, and raising kids who are thoughtful, safe, and empowered online.

Because even if your homes are split, your child's screen time doesn't have to be.

Helpful Resources:

  • 📘 Common Sense Media: Family Tech Planners

  • 📱 Google Family Link

  • 🧠 Digital Citizenship Curriculum

  • 💬 OurFamilyWizard App

Unlocking Support: How to Request an IEP for Your Child in Atlanta Public Schools

Introduction: Why an IEP Might Be the Right Step

If your child is struggling in school—academically, socially, or behaviorally—it might be time to consider whether an Individualized Education Program (IEP) can help. IEPs are legal documents designed to ensure students with disabilities receive tailored support in public school settings.

Atlanta Public Schools (APS) provides IEP services under the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). The process begins with a formal request—and this blog will walk you through it.

Step 1: Observe, Document, and Communicate Concerns

Before making a formal request, gather your observations:

  • Has your child fallen behind academically?

  • Do they struggle with focus, communication, or behavior?

  • Have teachers expressed concern?

Start documenting issues with schoolwork, communications from teachers, or emotional changes. Communication is key—reach out to your child’s teacher or school counselor to share what you’re noticing and ask if interventions have already been tried.

Step 2: Submit a Written Request for Evaluation

If concerns persist, the next step is to submit a written request for an IEP evaluation. Under IDEA, every public school is required to respond to such a request.

What to include in your letter:

  • Your child’s full name and school

  • Specific concerns (academic, behavioral, or developmental)

  • A request for a comprehensive educational evaluation under IDEA

  • Your contact information

Here’s a sample template:

Subject: Request for Special Education Evaluation

Dear [Principal’s Name],

I am writing to formally request that my child, [Full Name], who attends [School Name], be evaluated for special education services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). I have concerns about [brief summary of concerns].

Please consider this my formal consent to begin the evaluation process. I look forward to your response within the legally required timeframe.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]
[Phone Number]
[Email Address]

Step 3: Know the Timelines

Once APS receives your written request:

  • The school has 10 calendar days to respond and schedule a meeting to discuss the request.

  • If they agree, you will be asked to sign a consent form to begin evaluations.

  • APS then has 60 calendar days (excluding summer break) to complete the evaluations and hold an IEP eligibility meeting.

You can read more about these timelines in APS's Special Education Procedures Manual.

Step 4: Attend the Eligibility and IEP Meetings

After the evaluation is complete, the school will hold a meeting to determine if your child qualifies for services. If they do, an IEP will be developed outlining goals, accommodations, and support services.

You are an equal team member. Ask questions, request clarity, and share your child’s strengths and challenges.

Step 5: Follow Up and Stay Involved

Once the IEP is in place, you’ll receive regular updates on your child’s progress. You can request an IEP review at any time if concerns arise. Stay in close contact with teachers, and don’t hesitate to advocate for changes if something isn’t working.

Helpful Contacts and Resources

  • Atlanta Public Schools Exceptional Education Department:
    APS Special Education Services
    📧 Email: acdirden@atlanta.k12.ga.us

  • Georgia Parent Mentor Partnership:
    https://www.parentmentors.org

  • Wrightslaw (Special Education Law and Advocacy):
    https://wrightslaw.com

Final Thought

Requesting an IEP can feel intimidating, but you’re not alone—and your advocacy makes a real difference. With a well-documented request, clear communication, and a little persistence, you can open the door to the individualized support your child needs to thrive.

You’ve Got This: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating a New Autism Diagnosis

Hearing the words “Your child has autism” can feel overwhelming. Whether it confirms what you’ve long suspected or comes as a total surprise, it’s normal to feel a flood of emotions — confusion, relief, worry, hope.

Take a deep breath. You’re not alone, and there is a clear path forward.

Receiving a diagnosis is not the end of something — it’s the beginning of understanding your child more fully and accessing the support they need to thrive. Here’s how to take those first steps with confidence, compassion, and clarity.

💙 Step 1: Know That an Autism Diagnosis Does Not Change a Thing About the Child You Know and Love - It’s Just Information to Help Guide Your Parenting.

Your child is still the same unique, lovable person they were before the diagnosis. The label doesn’t define them — it helps you better understand how they experience the world, and how to support them.

Try to approach the diagnosis as a tool, not a verdict. It gives you access to services, strategies, and resources that can truly make a difference.

🧭 Step 2: Get Oriented with Trusted Resources

One of the best first tools available is the Autism Speaks 100-Day Toolkit. Specifically designed for families with newly diagnosed children, this free resource helps guide you through the first three months after diagnosis. It includes:

  • Explanations of autism spectrum disorder in parent-friendly language

  • Tips for communicating with your child’s school

  • How to build a support team (including therapists and specialists)

  • Tools to track goals, services, and progress

  • Guidance for siblings and extended family

It’s a lifeline for many parents — practical, well-organized, and reassuring.

✏️ Step 3: Partner with Your Child’s School

Your child spends a big part of their life in school, so building a strong relationship with teachers, counselors, and special education staff is key.

  • Ask about starting or updating an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) or 504 Plan

  • Share insights from your child’s diagnosis and what helps them thrive

  • Keep the lines of communication open — regular check-ins make a big difference

Remember: you are your child’s strongest advocate, and collaboration is the goal.

🤝 Step 4: Build a Support Network — For Both of You

Caring for a child with autism can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Connect with other parents, local support groups, or online communities to share stories, tips, and encouragement.

Also, don’t forget to care for yourself. Your child needs you healthy and emotionally grounded — and that means giving yourself space to process, grieve, celebrate, and breathe.

🌱 Step 5: Focus on Strengths, Not Just Struggles

Every child on the autism spectrum has their own blend of challenges and extraordinary strengths. Maybe your child has a great memory, a creative imagination, or a deep passion for animals, numbers, or music. Celebrate those.

Progress may not look like anyone else’s, but it’s still progress. Growth happens when we honor where our children are — and help them get where they want to go.

💬 Final Words: One Step at a Time

You don’t need to have all the answers today. Start with one small step — downloading the 100-Day Toolkit, reaching out to your child’s school, or simply sitting with your child and reminding them how much they’re loved.

This is a journey, and you’re not walking it alone.

You’ve got this.

From Taylor Swift to Alicia Keys: How Learning Piano Boosts Kids’ Brains and Mental Health

You might know Taylor Swift’s songwriting, Alicia Keys’ soulful piano skills, or Norah Jones’ smooth jazz vibes — but did you know that learning piano can do more than create future music stars? For children, sitting down at the keyboard offers powerful benefits that go beyond melodies, touching mental health, cognitive development, and even academic success.

🎹 Mental Health Harmony

Playing piano isn’t just fun; it can be a soothing emotional outlet for kids. Research shows that music training helps reduce stress and anxiety by activating brain areas involved in emotion regulation and relaxation. For children, especially those navigating school pressures or social challenges, piano can be a healthy way to express feelings and build emotional resilience.

🧠 Cognitive Crescendo

Learning piano is like a full-brain workout. It improves memory, attention, and executive functioning skills by requiring coordination between both hands, reading music, and listening critically. Studies reveal that children with piano training score higher on tasks involving spatial-temporal skills, which are crucial for problem-solving in math and science (Schellenberg, 2004).

📚 Academic Encore

The benefits of piano playing often translate into the classroom. Music training has been linked to better language skills, higher IQ scores, and improved reading and math achievement. By strengthening neural pathways that support learning, kids who play piano often show enhanced academic performance — all while enjoying a creative escape.

🎼 Final Notes

Whether your child dreams of rocking a grand piano like Alicia Keys, crafting heartfelt songs like Taylor Swift, or exploring jazz like Norah Jones, the journey of learning piano offers far-reaching rewards. Beyond the music, it’s a gift that nurtures mental health, sharpens the mind, and supports academic growth.

So why not let your child tickle the ivories? Their brain—and heart—will thank you.

Reference:
Schellenberg, E. G. (2004). Music lessons enhance IQ. Psychological Science, 15(8), 511–514. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0956-7976.2004.00711.x

Two Homes, One Heart: How Divorced Parents Can Use Positive Discipline Together

Introduction: Discipline Doesn’t Have to Be Divided

Parenting after divorce comes with its challenges—especially when it comes to discipline. What if one household is strict and the other is more relaxed? What if one parent uses time-outs while the other uses rewards?

While it’s common for parenting styles to differ after a separation, children thrive on consistency. That’s where positive discipline comes in—not as a rigid set of rules, but as a shared approach grounded in mutual respect, clear boundaries, and emotional connection.

Whether you’re on good terms with your co-parent or navigating a high-conflict situation, here’s how to implement positive discipline across two homes.

1. Understand What Positive Discipline Really Means

Positive discipline isn’t about permissiveness—it’s about teaching, not punishing. It focuses on:

  • Encouraging self-regulation, not fear-based obedience

  • Building mutual respect

  • Using natural consequences instead of punishment

  • Fostering long-term learning rather than short-term compliance

📚 Recommended read: “Positive Discipline” by Jane Nelsen—a foundational resource for parents in any situation.

2. Have the Discipline Conversation Early (and Often)

If you and your co-parent can communicate respectfully, schedule a time to align on the core values you both want to reinforce—like honesty, kindness, or responsibility. You don’t have to agree on every detail, but agreeing on the basics helps your child feel secure and less likely to "split" parents or test boundaries.

✅ Tip: Use “we” language to present a united front: “We both expect you to do your homework before screen time.”

3. Keep Rules Simple and Shared

Create a short list of shared rules that apply in both homes. These might include:

  • No hitting or name-calling

  • Homework before video games

  • Respectful language with adults

Consistency doesn’t mean perfection, but having similar expectations gives kids structure and predictability, which reduces anxiety and behavior issues.

4. Use Positive Discipline Tools Across Both Homes

Here are a few strategies that work well in co-parenting situations:

  • Family meetings: Hold short, age-appropriate check-ins with your child about how things are going. Even better, hold family meetings together across households so that your children can witness you working together and your solidarity in your expectations for them.

  • Natural consequences: Instead of grounding a child for forgetting their homework, let the school handle the consequence.

  • Emotion coaching: Help your child name and process feelings rather than suppress or punish them.

5. What If You and Your Coparent Don’t Agree?

It’s common for one parent to embrace positive discipline while the other resists. If you can’t reach agreement, model the approach in your own home and keep communication with your child open.

Reinforce this idea: “Different houses have different rules, but in this house, we focus on learning from mistakes.”

Kids can adapt to different styles—but they thrive when one parent consistently uses warmth, boundaries, and respect.

6. Use Tools to Stay on the Same Page

Technology can help! Shared parenting apps like:

  • OurFamilyWizard

  • Cozi

  • TalkingParents

…let you document agreements, share calendars, and message respectfully without emotion-fueled texting.

Final Thought: United in Purpose, Even If Not in Parenting Style

Positive discipline is a mindset as much as a method. Even if you and your co-parent aren’t fully aligned, your child will benefit from one home that offers connection, boundaries, and respect. And over time, that calm consistency often influences the other parent, too.

Because in the end, it’s not about being the same—it’s about being stable, safe, and supportive in the ways that matter most.

Built to Brave: Why Letting Kids Take Risks this Summer is Essential for their Healthy Development (and Backed by Evolution)

Introduction: Danger Isn’t the Enemy—Fearlessness Without Limits Is

It’s summer! Long live the lazy, hazy days of a child’s summer. Running around with shoes off, building forts in the woods, riding bikes with our friends, climbing trees all outside of he watchful eye of the cautious adults. However, in today’s world of baby knee pads, soft playgrounds, and 24/7 supervision, children are growing up in the safest environments history has ever seen—and arguably, that’s not always a good thing.

While protection is essential, overprotection can backfire. Evolutionary psychology and developmental science suggest that allowing children to engage in calculated risk-taking—think climbing trees, exploring neighborhoods, or using tools under supervision—plays a vital role in how humans have developed resilience, problem-solving abilities, and even empathy.

Let’s explore why doing "dangerous things safely" is not only beneficial but biologically wired into our development.

1. Evolution Wired Us to Take Risks—It’s How We Learn

According to evolutionary psychologists like Peter Gray, children are naturally driven to explore and test limits. Risky play mimics the survival tasks our ancestors faced—navigating uneven terrain, climbing, wrestling, hunting. These experiences built crucial neural and physical pathways that prepared them for adult challenges.

💡 Peter Gray, Ph.D., author of Free to Learn, argues that play, especially risky play, is nature’s way of ensuring children develop the skills necessary for independence and competence.

2. Risk-Taking Builds Resilience and Self-Regulation

When a child climbs a tree or rides a bike down a hill, they learn where their limits are. More importantly, they learn how to regulate fear, manage adrenaline, and make real-time decisions—all critical for emotional intelligence and executive functioning.

Children who engage in age-appropriate risk are more likely to:

  • Assess danger accurately

  • Bounce back from failure

  • Develop confidence

  • Handle stress more effectively

3. Avoiding Risk May Increase Anxiety

Paradoxically, when children are shielded from all risk, their perception of danger increases, and their ability to manage fear decreases. In fact, some studies suggest that overprotected children may be more likely to develop anxiety disorders, because they never get the chance to learn that most risks are manageable.

📚 A 2020 review in the journal Child Psychiatry & Human Development supports this: allowing moderate physical risk during play correlates with better long-term mental health outcomes.

4. Risky Play Encourages Creativity and Problem-Solving

Unstructured, slightly risky activities—like building a fort from fallen branches or navigating a forest trail—require creativity, negotiation, and trial-and-error. These scenarios stimulate critical thinking and imaginative play far more than pre-planned, adult-led activities.

5. It Teaches Empathy and Social Skills

Rough-and-tumble play (like play fighting or chase games) isn’t just physical—it helps children learn boundaries, empathy, and cooperation. When play gets too rough, kids have to communicate, apologize, and adjust. These social lessons are vital for emotional development.

So, How Do You Let Kids Take Risks Safely?

The goal isn’t to encourage recklessness, but to create a framework for safe exploration. Here’s how:

  • ✅ Supervise from a distance (spot, don’t steer)

  • ✅ Use real tools with real guidance (e.g., supervised knife use or carpentry)

  • ✅ Encourage outdoor free play

  • ✅ Let them climb, fall (within reason), and try again

  • ✅ Resist the urge to intervene unless truly necessary

Conclusion: Raising Brave Kids in a Cautious World

Human evolution didn’t prepare children to grow up in padded playgrounds and digital screens. It prepared them to learn by doing, experimenting, and sometimes failing safely. When we let our children take healthy risks, we honor the deeply human process of growth through challenge.

So let them climb. Let them fall (a little). Let them be brave.

Further Reading & Resources:

How to be a Healthy Stepparent

Introduction: Blending Families Without Stepping on Toes

Being a stepparent is a unique and powerful role—but it doesn’t come with a universal rulebook. When you enter a family where co-parenting is already in place, finding your place can feel complicated. The key? Support, don’t disrupt.

Here’s how to be a healthy stepparent who strengthens the family without interfering in the co-parenting relationship.

1. Understand Your Role as a Stepparent

The first and most important step is to respect the existing parenting framework. You’re not here to replace anyone—you’re here to add value through consistency, care, and quiet strength.

Let your partner handle communication and parenting decisions with their co-parent. Be a sounding board, not a substitute.

2. Always Put the Child First

When adults put their own egos aside, kids thrive. Support your stepchild’s relationship with both biological parents—even if it’s hard for you. A healthy stepparent understands that children deserve stability, not conflict.

Align household routines and rules as much as possible, without undermining the other parent.

3. Communicate Thoughtfully (and with Boundaries)

Unless there’s an agreement or necessity, it’s usually best not to directly engage with the co-parent. Let your partner manage that relationship. Instead, focus your energy on your connection with your stepchild and your partner.

Set aside regular check-ins with your partner to talk about parenting challenges and boundaries.

4. Be a Safe, Judgment-Free Space

Kids in blended families often feel stuck between homes. Your job is to be their emotional buffer—not another source of pressure. Listen actively and offer a calm, dependable presence.

Avoid criticizing the other parent, even subtly. It creates confusion and loyalty conflicts for the child.

5. Keep Learning: Read, Reflect, and Grow

Stepparenting is a long game, and growth comes with effort. A recommended read is:

Conclusion: Build the Bridge, Don’t Block the Road

You may not be the architect of the family blueprint, but your presence can strengthen the foundation. When you support the co-parenting structure and stay focused on love, respect, and patience, you become the steady hand that helps everyone thrive.

Reference:

"Stepparenting: Becoming A Stepparent: How to Bond with Your Stepchild and Build a Stronger Blended Family" by Claire Robin

Still a Team: Why Co-Parenting Therapy Matters During High-Conflict Divorce

Divorce is never easy — but when tensions run high, the people caught in the middle often aren’t the adults. They’re the kids. However, there is good news! Research consistently shows that while divorce can be a significant stressor for children, the majority are able to adjust well over time—especially when parental conflict is minimized. According to psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington’s long-term studies, approximately 75–80% of children from divorced families show no long-term serious psychological issues and are able to adapt successfully, particularly when parents maintain cooperative, low-conflict relationships post-divorce. Positive outcomes are more likely when children are shielded from ongoing hostility and when both parents remain involved in their lives in supportive, consistent ways (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).

However, in contrast, high-conflict divorces can leave lasting emotional scars on children, even when parents have the best intentions. That’s where co-parenting therapy comes in — not to reconcile a romantic relationship, but to build a functional, respectful parenting alliance for the child’s sake.

Children exposed to high-conflict divorce are at greater risk for a range of negative outcomes, especially when conflict is prolonged and unresolved. Research highlights several key areas of concern:

  • Emotional distress: Increased rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem

  • Behavioral issues: Higher incidence of aggression, defiance, and difficulty with authority

  • Academic struggles: Lower academic achievement and decreased school engagement

  • Relationship difficulties: Trouble forming and maintaining healthy peer and romantic relationships

  • Long-term mental health risks: Elevated risk of chronic stress and emotional dysregulation into adulthood

These risks are most pronounced when children are caught in the middle of parental disputes or used as messengers or leverage during custody battles (Kelly & Emery, 2003).

What Is Co-Parenting Therapy?

Co-parenting therapy is a structured, therapeutic process that helps divorced or separated parents improve communication, reduce conflict, and make joint decisions that support their children’s well-being.

It’s not about settling old scores — it’s about learning to work together, even when you don’t see eye to eye.

Why It’s Especially Important in High-Conflict Divorce

In high-conflict divorces, arguments often spill into parenting decisions, schedules, and communication — sometimes turning kids into messengers or emotional referees.

Co-parenting therapy helps by:

  • Creating boundaries and structure

  • Reducing emotional reactivity in communication

  • Focusing on child-centered decision-making

  • Developing parallel parenting strategies when cooperation isn’t possible

It’s a place to learn conflict management skills — not just for peace today, but for long-term emotional health and stability for the entire family.

How It Helps the Kids

Research consistently shows that ongoing parental conflict — not divorce itself — is what most negatively impacts children. Kids who see their parents cooperating, even after separation, tend to:

  • Have better emotional regulation

  • Experience less anxiety and depression

  • Feel more secure and supported

When kids see their parents still acting as a team (even if it’s just on the important things), they can stop feeling like they have to pick sides.

When to Consider Co-Parenting Therapy

You might benefit from co-parenting therapy if:

  • You and your coparent argue frequently in front of the kids

  • There's confusion or hostility around parenting time

  • Communication is tense, inconsistent, or hostile

  • One or both parents feel "stuck" or constantly triggered

Final Thought

You may no longer be partners in marriage, but you’ll always be partners in parenting. Co-parenting therapy isn’t about winning — it’s about healing, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing your child’s future over past hurts.

Because even in divorce, your child deserves a unified front.

References (for the curious mind):

Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W.W. Norton & Company.

Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352–362. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00352.x

Choose Your Hard

On a long run with a close friend on Sunday, she was filling me in about the amazing sermon that was given at her church that morning. The topic of the sermon was “Choose your Hard”. We spent time on our run trading stories on “the hard” we have chosen in our own lives, as mothers, working professionals as well as in our relationships and our own health goals. In life, we will all have hard times and we will have difficult choices to make. This concept reminds us that we can choose to respond to adversity with integrity and grace, with self-reflection, humility and sometimes a little therapy. Here is some of the hard dilemmas that resonate for me and may for you as well.

It is hard to go to therapy but it is also hard to live with the pain of past unresolved traumas

It is hard to be alone but it is also hard to trust again and try again in a relationship

It is hard to support our parents health as they age and it is also hard to grieve their loss

It is hard to have a relationship with toxic parents and family members and it is also hard to lose belongingness with core attachments and our roots

It is hard to coparent following divorce but it is also hard to live with the guilt of your prolonged conflict negatively impacting your children’s relationships, mental health and overall life outcomes

It is hard to be married and it is also hard to get a divorce

It is hard to go to the doctor and it is also hard to live with the anxiety of not managing your health

It is hard to face your child’s needs and diagnoses and it is also hard to avoid them and not be able to help

It is hard to open our hearts to love and trust again and it is also hard to remain angry and alone

It is hard to radically accept our husband/wife/coparent/child as they are and it is also hard to live with resentment, disappointment, and contempt towards significant others in our lives.

It is hard to have a growth mindset and it is also hard to live with fear and insecurity of not ever trying or taking a risk

Journal Entry Idea

Write about the hard in your own life

The Surgeon General's Advisory: A Wake-Up Call for Parents on Social Media's Impact on Kids

In May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a landmark advisory highlighting the profound risks social media poses to youth mental health. This advisory serves as a critical alert to parents, educators, and policymakers about the urgent need to address the digital environments our children navigate daily.

Key Findings from the Advisory

Dr. Murthy emphasized that social media use among children and adolescents is nearly universal, with up to 95% of teens aged 13 to 17 reporting usage. Alarmingly, many spend over seven hours daily on these platforms. The advisory links excessive social media engagement to increased risks of depression, anxiety, poor sleep, and cyberbullying. Notably, teens who spend more than three hours per day on social media are at double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes . The full US Surgeon General and Youth Mental Health Advisory can be found here: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf.

Insights from 'The Anxious Generation'

Jonathan Haidt's book, The Anxious Generation, delves deeper into these concerns. Haidt argues that the pervasive use of smartphones and social media has significantly altered childhood and adolescence, particularly since 2010. He notes a near doubling of depression and anxiety rates among U.S. adolescents during this period, with suicide rates increasing significantly, especially among young girls . Jonathan Haidt’s book is a must read for all parents. https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Generation-Rewiring-Childhood-Epidemic/dp/0593655036

Haidt attributes these trends to several factors:

  • Increased Screen Time: The constant presence of smartphones and social media has replaced face-to-face interactions, leading to feelings of isolation and diminished social skills.

  • Social Comparison: Platforms that encourage constant comparison with peers can erode self-esteem and exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.

  • Reduced Free Play: Overprotective parenting and safety concerns have led to a decline in unstructured play, which is crucial for developing resilience and coping mechanisms.

Recommendations for Parents

Both Dr. Murthy and Haidt offer actionable advice for parents:

  • Delay Social Media Access: Consider postponing your child's entry into social media until at least high school. This aligns with Haidt's recommendation to delay smartphone usage until later ages.

  • Establish Family Media Plans: Set clear boundaries around screen time, designate tech-free zones, and encourage offline activities that promote real-world connections.

  • Promote Unstructured Play: Allow children to engage in free play, which fosters creativity, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.

  • Model Healthy Digital Habits: Demonstrate balanced screen use and engage in meaningful offline interactions to set a positive example.

Conclusion

The Surgeon General's advisory, coupled with Haidt's research, underscores the urgent need for a collective effort to protect our children's mental health in the digital age. By staying informed and implementing thoughtful strategies, parents can help mitigate the risks associated with social media and foster environments that support healthy development.

Join me in advocating to support students with ASD in the classroom

In a recent study conducted by the CDC, 1 out of 68 children in the United States were identified with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. That is 1 in 49 boys and 1 in 189 girls were diagnosed with an ASD in 2010. What's more, according to Autism Speaks, approximately 1 out of 3 classrooms in the U.S. has a student on the spectrum. More than half of children with ASD are classified as relatively "high functioning," with IQs within the average range or above. Indeed, many of the children that I see in my practice could be quite successful in college or in a vocational career that they choose, with the necessary emotional, behavioral, and educational supports. Early therapeutic intervention and academic supports are vital in helping children with ASD to learn and grow to their fullest potential. While children with autism who have more severe difficulties with behavior or adaptive life skills are often identified in their classrooms, some children, including those who are academically high-achieving, have a more quiet and withdrawn temperament, and/or have some social interests, can be easily overlooked.  Every child deserves the opportunity to learn in a way that makes sense to them, so that they may strive to reach their fullest potential, whatever that may be. Please join me (and Autism Speaks) in calling on Congress to focus on supporting students with autism this fall. The autism speaks petition can be accessed at the following web address. 

http://cts.vresp.com/c/?AutismSpeaks/9811e8effc/13a0eac6a4/28506d8553/c=8hKPL7NMLpJ4G&b=9309293&utm_source=270IPM&utm_medium=email&utm_content=EM092915&utm_campaign=270IPMemails&msource=EM092915