You’ve Got This: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating a New Autism Diagnosis

Hearing the words “Your child has autism” can feel overwhelming. Whether it confirms what you’ve long suspected or comes as a total surprise, it’s normal to feel a flood of emotions — confusion, relief, worry, hope.

Take a deep breath. You’re not alone, and there is a clear path forward.

Receiving a diagnosis is not the end of something — it’s the beginning of understanding your child more fully and accessing the support they need to thrive. Here’s how to take those first steps with confidence, compassion, and clarity.

💙 Step 1: Know That an Autism Diagnosis Does Not Change a Thing About the Child You Know and Love - It’s Just Information to Help Guide Your Parenting.

Your child is still the same unique, lovable person they were before the diagnosis. The label doesn’t define them — it helps you better understand how they experience the world, and how to support them.

Try to approach the diagnosis as a tool, not a verdict. It gives you access to services, strategies, and resources that can truly make a difference.

🧭 Step 2: Get Oriented with Trusted Resources

One of the best first tools available is the Autism Speaks 100-Day Toolkit. Specifically designed for families with newly diagnosed children, this free resource helps guide you through the first three months after diagnosis. It includes:

  • Explanations of autism spectrum disorder in parent-friendly language

  • Tips for communicating with your child’s school

  • How to build a support team (including therapists and specialists)

  • Tools to track goals, services, and progress

  • Guidance for siblings and extended family

It’s a lifeline for many parents — practical, well-organized, and reassuring.

✏️ Step 3: Partner with Your Child’s School

Your child spends a big part of their life in school, so building a strong relationship with teachers, counselors, and special education staff is key.

  • Ask about starting or updating an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) or 504 Plan

  • Share insights from your child’s diagnosis and what helps them thrive

  • Keep the lines of communication open — regular check-ins make a big difference

Remember: you are your child’s strongest advocate, and collaboration is the goal.

🤝 Step 4: Build a Support Network — For Both of You

Caring for a child with autism can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Connect with other parents, local support groups, or online communities to share stories, tips, and encouragement.

Also, don’t forget to care for yourself. Your child needs you healthy and emotionally grounded — and that means giving yourself space to process, grieve, celebrate, and breathe.

🌱 Step 5: Focus on Strengths, Not Just Struggles

Every child on the autism spectrum has their own blend of challenges and extraordinary strengths. Maybe your child has a great memory, a creative imagination, or a deep passion for animals, numbers, or music. Celebrate those.

Progress may not look like anyone else’s, but it’s still progress. Growth happens when we honor where our children are — and help them get where they want to go.

💬 Final Words: One Step at a Time

You don’t need to have all the answers today. Start with one small step — downloading the 100-Day Toolkit, reaching out to your child’s school, or simply sitting with your child and reminding them how much they’re loved.

This is a journey, and you’re not walking it alone.

You’ve got this.

From Taylor Swift to Alicia Keys: How Learning Piano Boosts Kids’ Brains and Mental Health

You might know Taylor Swift’s songwriting, Alicia Keys’ soulful piano skills, or Norah Jones’ smooth jazz vibes — but did you know that learning piano can do more than create future music stars? For children, sitting down at the keyboard offers powerful benefits that go beyond melodies, touching mental health, cognitive development, and even academic success.

🎹 Mental Health Harmony

Playing piano isn’t just fun; it can be a soothing emotional outlet for kids. Research shows that music training helps reduce stress and anxiety by activating brain areas involved in emotion regulation and relaxation. For children, especially those navigating school pressures or social challenges, piano can be a healthy way to express feelings and build emotional resilience.

🧠 Cognitive Crescendo

Learning piano is like a full-brain workout. It improves memory, attention, and executive functioning skills by requiring coordination between both hands, reading music, and listening critically. Studies reveal that children with piano training score higher on tasks involving spatial-temporal skills, which are crucial for problem-solving in math and science (Schellenberg, 2004).

📚 Academic Encore

The benefits of piano playing often translate into the classroom. Music training has been linked to better language skills, higher IQ scores, and improved reading and math achievement. By strengthening neural pathways that support learning, kids who play piano often show enhanced academic performance — all while enjoying a creative escape.

🎼 Final Notes

Whether your child dreams of rocking a grand piano like Alicia Keys, crafting heartfelt songs like Taylor Swift, or exploring jazz like Norah Jones, the journey of learning piano offers far-reaching rewards. Beyond the music, it’s a gift that nurtures mental health, sharpens the mind, and supports academic growth.

So why not let your child tickle the ivories? Their brain—and heart—will thank you.

Reference:
Schellenberg, E. G. (2004). Music lessons enhance IQ. Psychological Science, 15(8), 511–514. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0956-7976.2004.00711.x

Two Homes, One Heart: How Divorced Parents Can Use Positive Discipline Together

Introduction: Discipline Doesn’t Have to Be Divided

Parenting after divorce comes with its challenges—especially when it comes to discipline. What if one household is strict and the other is more relaxed? What if one parent uses time-outs while the other uses rewards?

While it’s common for parenting styles to differ after a separation, children thrive on consistency. That’s where positive discipline comes in—not as a rigid set of rules, but as a shared approach grounded in mutual respect, clear boundaries, and emotional connection.

Whether you’re on good terms with your co-parent or navigating a high-conflict situation, here’s how to implement positive discipline across two homes.

1. Understand What Positive Discipline Really Means

Positive discipline isn’t about permissiveness—it’s about teaching, not punishing. It focuses on:

  • Encouraging self-regulation, not fear-based obedience

  • Building mutual respect

  • Using natural consequences instead of punishment

  • Fostering long-term learning rather than short-term compliance

📚 Recommended read: “Positive Discipline” by Jane Nelsen—a foundational resource for parents in any situation.

2. Have the Discipline Conversation Early (and Often)

If you and your co-parent can communicate respectfully, schedule a time to align on the core values you both want to reinforce—like honesty, kindness, or responsibility. You don’t have to agree on every detail, but agreeing on the basics helps your child feel secure and less likely to "split" parents or test boundaries.

✅ Tip: Use “we” language to present a united front: “We both expect you to do your homework before screen time.”

3. Keep Rules Simple and Shared

Create a short list of shared rules that apply in both homes. These might include:

  • No hitting or name-calling

  • Homework before video games

  • Respectful language with adults

Consistency doesn’t mean perfection, but having similar expectations gives kids structure and predictability, which reduces anxiety and behavior issues.

4. Use Positive Discipline Tools Across Both Homes

Here are a few strategies that work well in co-parenting situations:

  • Family meetings: Hold short, age-appropriate check-ins with your child about how things are going. Even better, hold family meetings together across households so that your children can witness you working together and your solidarity in your expectations for them.

  • Natural consequences: Instead of grounding a child for forgetting their homework, let the school handle the consequence.

  • Emotion coaching: Help your child name and process feelings rather than suppress or punish them.

5. What If You and Your Coparent Don’t Agree?

It’s common for one parent to embrace positive discipline while the other resists. If you can’t reach agreement, model the approach in your own home and keep communication with your child open.

Reinforce this idea: “Different houses have different rules, but in this house, we focus on learning from mistakes.”

Kids can adapt to different styles—but they thrive when one parent consistently uses warmth, boundaries, and respect.

6. Use Tools to Stay on the Same Page

Technology can help! Shared parenting apps like:

  • OurFamilyWizard

  • Cozi

  • TalkingParents

…let you document agreements, share calendars, and message respectfully without emotion-fueled texting.

Final Thought: United in Purpose, Even If Not in Parenting Style

Positive discipline is a mindset as much as a method. Even if you and your co-parent aren’t fully aligned, your child will benefit from one home that offers connection, boundaries, and respect. And over time, that calm consistency often influences the other parent, too.

Because in the end, it’s not about being the same—it’s about being stable, safe, and supportive in the ways that matter most.

Built to Brave: Why Letting Kids Take Risks this Summer is Essential for their Healthy Development (and Backed by Evolution)

Introduction: Danger Isn’t the Enemy—Fearlessness Without Limits Is

It’s summer! Long live the lazy, hazy days of a child’s summer. Running around with shoes off, building forts in the woods, riding bikes with our friends, climbing trees all outside of he watchful eye of the cautious adults. However, in today’s world of baby knee pads, soft playgrounds, and 24/7 supervision, children are growing up in the safest environments history has ever seen—and arguably, that’s not always a good thing.

While protection is essential, overprotection can backfire. Evolutionary psychology and developmental science suggest that allowing children to engage in calculated risk-taking—think climbing trees, exploring neighborhoods, or using tools under supervision—plays a vital role in how humans have developed resilience, problem-solving abilities, and even empathy.

Let’s explore why doing "dangerous things safely" is not only beneficial but biologically wired into our development.

1. Evolution Wired Us to Take Risks—It’s How We Learn

According to evolutionary psychologists like Peter Gray, children are naturally driven to explore and test limits. Risky play mimics the survival tasks our ancestors faced—navigating uneven terrain, climbing, wrestling, hunting. These experiences built crucial neural and physical pathways that prepared them for adult challenges.

💡 Peter Gray, Ph.D., author of Free to Learn, argues that play, especially risky play, is nature’s way of ensuring children develop the skills necessary for independence and competence.

2. Risk-Taking Builds Resilience and Self-Regulation

When a child climbs a tree or rides a bike down a hill, they learn where their limits are. More importantly, they learn how to regulate fear, manage adrenaline, and make real-time decisions—all critical for emotional intelligence and executive functioning.

Children who engage in age-appropriate risk are more likely to:

  • Assess danger accurately

  • Bounce back from failure

  • Develop confidence

  • Handle stress more effectively

3. Avoiding Risk May Increase Anxiety

Paradoxically, when children are shielded from all risk, their perception of danger increases, and their ability to manage fear decreases. In fact, some studies suggest that overprotected children may be more likely to develop anxiety disorders, because they never get the chance to learn that most risks are manageable.

📚 A 2020 review in the journal Child Psychiatry & Human Development supports this: allowing moderate physical risk during play correlates with better long-term mental health outcomes.

4. Risky Play Encourages Creativity and Problem-Solving

Unstructured, slightly risky activities—like building a fort from fallen branches or navigating a forest trail—require creativity, negotiation, and trial-and-error. These scenarios stimulate critical thinking and imaginative play far more than pre-planned, adult-led activities.

5. It Teaches Empathy and Social Skills

Rough-and-tumble play (like play fighting or chase games) isn’t just physical—it helps children learn boundaries, empathy, and cooperation. When play gets too rough, kids have to communicate, apologize, and adjust. These social lessons are vital for emotional development.

So, How Do You Let Kids Take Risks Safely?

The goal isn’t to encourage recklessness, but to create a framework for safe exploration. Here’s how:

  • ✅ Supervise from a distance (spot, don’t steer)

  • ✅ Use real tools with real guidance (e.g., supervised knife use or carpentry)

  • ✅ Encourage outdoor free play

  • ✅ Let them climb, fall (within reason), and try again

  • ✅ Resist the urge to intervene unless truly necessary

Conclusion: Raising Brave Kids in a Cautious World

Human evolution didn’t prepare children to grow up in padded playgrounds and digital screens. It prepared them to learn by doing, experimenting, and sometimes failing safely. When we let our children take healthy risks, we honor the deeply human process of growth through challenge.

So let them climb. Let them fall (a little). Let them be brave.

Further Reading & Resources:

How to be a Healthy Stepparent

Introduction: Blending Families Without Stepping on Toes

Being a stepparent is a unique and powerful role—but it doesn’t come with a universal rulebook. When you enter a family where co-parenting is already in place, finding your place can feel complicated. The key? Support, don’t disrupt.

Here’s how to be a healthy stepparent who strengthens the family without interfering in the co-parenting relationship.

1. Understand Your Role as a Stepparent

The first and most important step is to respect the existing parenting framework. You’re not here to replace anyone—you’re here to add value through consistency, care, and quiet strength.

Let your partner handle communication and parenting decisions with their co-parent. Be a sounding board, not a substitute.

2. Always Put the Child First

When adults put their own egos aside, kids thrive. Support your stepchild’s relationship with both biological parents—even if it’s hard for you. A healthy stepparent understands that children deserve stability, not conflict.

Align household routines and rules as much as possible, without undermining the other parent.

3. Communicate Thoughtfully (and with Boundaries)

Unless there’s an agreement or necessity, it’s usually best not to directly engage with the co-parent. Let your partner manage that relationship. Instead, focus your energy on your connection with your stepchild and your partner.

Set aside regular check-ins with your partner to talk about parenting challenges and boundaries.

4. Be a Safe, Judgment-Free Space

Kids in blended families often feel stuck between homes. Your job is to be their emotional buffer—not another source of pressure. Listen actively and offer a calm, dependable presence.

Avoid criticizing the other parent, even subtly. It creates confusion and loyalty conflicts for the child.

5. Keep Learning: Read, Reflect, and Grow

Stepparenting is a long game, and growth comes with effort. A recommended read is:

Conclusion: Build the Bridge, Don’t Block the Road

You may not be the architect of the family blueprint, but your presence can strengthen the foundation. When you support the co-parenting structure and stay focused on love, respect, and patience, you become the steady hand that helps everyone thrive.

Reference:

"Stepparenting: Becoming A Stepparent: How to Bond with Your Stepchild and Build a Stronger Blended Family" by Claire Robin

Still a Team: Why Co-Parenting Therapy Matters During High-Conflict Divorce

Divorce is never easy — but when tensions run high, the people caught in the middle often aren’t the adults. They’re the kids. However, there is good news! Research consistently shows that while divorce can be a significant stressor for children, the majority are able to adjust well over time—especially when parental conflict is minimized. According to psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington’s long-term studies, approximately 75–80% of children from divorced families show no long-term serious psychological issues and are able to adapt successfully, particularly when parents maintain cooperative, low-conflict relationships post-divorce. Positive outcomes are more likely when children are shielded from ongoing hostility and when both parents remain involved in their lives in supportive, consistent ways (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).

However, in contrast, high-conflict divorces can leave lasting emotional scars on children, even when parents have the best intentions. That’s where co-parenting therapy comes in — not to reconcile a romantic relationship, but to build a functional, respectful parenting alliance for the child’s sake.

Children exposed to high-conflict divorce are at greater risk for a range of negative outcomes, especially when conflict is prolonged and unresolved. Research highlights several key areas of concern:

  • Emotional distress: Increased rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem

  • Behavioral issues: Higher incidence of aggression, defiance, and difficulty with authority

  • Academic struggles: Lower academic achievement and decreased school engagement

  • Relationship difficulties: Trouble forming and maintaining healthy peer and romantic relationships

  • Long-term mental health risks: Elevated risk of chronic stress and emotional dysregulation into adulthood

These risks are most pronounced when children are caught in the middle of parental disputes or used as messengers or leverage during custody battles (Kelly & Emery, 2003).

What Is Co-Parenting Therapy?

Co-parenting therapy is a structured, therapeutic process that helps divorced or separated parents improve communication, reduce conflict, and make joint decisions that support their children’s well-being.

It’s not about settling old scores — it’s about learning to work together, even when you don’t see eye to eye.

Why It’s Especially Important in High-Conflict Divorce

In high-conflict divorces, arguments often spill into parenting decisions, schedules, and communication — sometimes turning kids into messengers or emotional referees.

Co-parenting therapy helps by:

  • Creating boundaries and structure

  • Reducing emotional reactivity in communication

  • Focusing on child-centered decision-making

  • Developing parallel parenting strategies when cooperation isn’t possible

It’s a place to learn conflict management skills — not just for peace today, but for long-term emotional health and stability for the entire family.

How It Helps the Kids

Research consistently shows that ongoing parental conflict — not divorce itself — is what most negatively impacts children. Kids who see their parents cooperating, even after separation, tend to:

  • Have better emotional regulation

  • Experience less anxiety and depression

  • Feel more secure and supported

When kids see their parents still acting as a team (even if it’s just on the important things), they can stop feeling like they have to pick sides.

When to Consider Co-Parenting Therapy

You might benefit from co-parenting therapy if:

  • You and your coparent argue frequently in front of the kids

  • There's confusion or hostility around parenting time

  • Communication is tense, inconsistent, or hostile

  • One or both parents feel "stuck" or constantly triggered

Final Thought

You may no longer be partners in marriage, but you’ll always be partners in parenting. Co-parenting therapy isn’t about winning — it’s about healing, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing your child’s future over past hurts.

Because even in divorce, your child deserves a unified front.

References (for the curious mind):

Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W.W. Norton & Company.

Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352–362. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00352.x

Choose Your Hard

On a long run with a close friend on Sunday, she was filling me in about the amazing sermon that was given at her church that morning. The topic of the sermon was “Choose your Hard”. We spent time on our run trading stories on “the hard” we have chosen in our own lives, as mothers, working professionals as well as in our relationships and our own health goals. In life, we will all have hard times and we will have difficult choices to make. This concept reminds us that we can choose to respond to adversity with integrity and grace, with self-reflection, humility and sometimes a little therapy. Here is some of the hard dilemmas that resonate for me and may for you as well.

It is hard to go to therapy but it is also hard to live with the pain of past unresolved traumas

It is hard to be alone but it is also hard to trust again and try again in a relationship

It is hard to support our parents health as they age and it is also hard to grieve their loss

It is hard to have a relationship with toxic parents and family members and it is also hard to lose belongingness with core attachments and our roots

It is hard to coparent following divorce but it is also hard to live with the guilt of your prolonged conflict negatively impacting your children’s relationships, mental health and overall life outcomes

It is hard to be married and it is also hard to get a divorce

It is hard to go to the doctor and it is also hard to live with the anxiety of not managing your health

It is hard to face your child’s needs and diagnoses and it is also hard to avoid them and not be able to help

It is hard to open our hearts to love and trust again and it is also hard to remain angry and alone

It is hard to radically accept our husband/wife/coparent/child as they are and it is also hard to live with resentment, disappointment, and contempt towards significant others in our lives.

It is hard to have a growth mindset and it is also hard to live with fear and insecurity of not ever trying or taking a risk

Journal Entry Idea

Write about the hard in your own life

The Surgeon General's Advisory: A Wake-Up Call for Parents on Social Media's Impact on Kids

In May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a landmark advisory highlighting the profound risks social media poses to youth mental health. This advisory serves as a critical alert to parents, educators, and policymakers about the urgent need to address the digital environments our children navigate daily.

Key Findings from the Advisory

Dr. Murthy emphasized that social media use among children and adolescents is nearly universal, with up to 95% of teens aged 13 to 17 reporting usage. Alarmingly, many spend over seven hours daily on these platforms. The advisory links excessive social media engagement to increased risks of depression, anxiety, poor sleep, and cyberbullying. Notably, teens who spend more than three hours per day on social media are at double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes . The full US Surgeon General and Youth Mental Health Advisory can be found here: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf.

Insights from 'The Anxious Generation'

Jonathan Haidt's book, The Anxious Generation, delves deeper into these concerns. Haidt argues that the pervasive use of smartphones and social media has significantly altered childhood and adolescence, particularly since 2010. He notes a near doubling of depression and anxiety rates among U.S. adolescents during this period, with suicide rates increasing significantly, especially among young girls . Jonathan Haidt’s book is a must read for all parents. https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Generation-Rewiring-Childhood-Epidemic/dp/0593655036

Haidt attributes these trends to several factors:

  • Increased Screen Time: The constant presence of smartphones and social media has replaced face-to-face interactions, leading to feelings of isolation and diminished social skills.

  • Social Comparison: Platforms that encourage constant comparison with peers can erode self-esteem and exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.

  • Reduced Free Play: Overprotective parenting and safety concerns have led to a decline in unstructured play, which is crucial for developing resilience and coping mechanisms.

Recommendations for Parents

Both Dr. Murthy and Haidt offer actionable advice for parents:

  • Delay Social Media Access: Consider postponing your child's entry into social media until at least high school. This aligns with Haidt's recommendation to delay smartphone usage until later ages.

  • Establish Family Media Plans: Set clear boundaries around screen time, designate tech-free zones, and encourage offline activities that promote real-world connections.

  • Promote Unstructured Play: Allow children to engage in free play, which fosters creativity, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.

  • Model Healthy Digital Habits: Demonstrate balanced screen use and engage in meaningful offline interactions to set a positive example.

Conclusion

The Surgeon General's advisory, coupled with Haidt's research, underscores the urgent need for a collective effort to protect our children's mental health in the digital age. By staying informed and implementing thoughtful strategies, parents can help mitigate the risks associated with social media and foster environments that support healthy development.

Join me in advocating to support students with ASD in the classroom

In a recent study conducted by the CDC, 1 out of 68 children in the United States were identified with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. That is 1 in 49 boys and 1 in 189 girls were diagnosed with an ASD in 2010. What's more, according to Autism Speaks, approximately 1 out of 3 classrooms in the U.S. has a student on the spectrum. More than half of children with ASD are classified as relatively "high functioning," with IQs within the average range or above. Indeed, many of the children that I see in my practice could be quite successful in college or in a vocational career that they choose, with the necessary emotional, behavioral, and educational supports. Early therapeutic intervention and academic supports are vital in helping children with ASD to learn and grow to their fullest potential. While children with autism who have more severe difficulties with behavior or adaptive life skills are often identified in their classrooms, some children, including those who are academically high-achieving, have a more quiet and withdrawn temperament, and/or have some social interests, can be easily overlooked.  Every child deserves the opportunity to learn in a way that makes sense to them, so that they may strive to reach their fullest potential, whatever that may be. Please join me (and Autism Speaks) in calling on Congress to focus on supporting students with autism this fall. The autism speaks petition can be accessed at the following web address. 

http://cts.vresp.com/c/?AutismSpeaks/9811e8effc/13a0eac6a4/28506d8553/c=8hKPL7NMLpJ4G&b=9309293&utm_source=270IPM&utm_medium=email&utm_content=EM092915&utm_campaign=270IPMemails&msource=EM092915