Choose Your Hard

On a long run with a close friend on Sunday, she was filling me in about the amazing sermon that was given at her church that morning. The topic of the sermon was “Choose your Hard”. We spent time on our run trading stories on “the hard” we have chosen in our own lives, as mothers, working professionals as well as in our relationships and our own health goals. In life, we will all have hard times and we will have difficult choices to make. This concept reminds us that we can choose to respond to adversity with integrity and grace, with self-reflection, humility and sometimes a little therapy. Here is some of the hard dilemmas that resonate for me and may for you as well.

It is hard to go to therapy but it is also hard to live with the pain of past unresolved traumas

It is hard to be alone but it is also hard to trust again and try again in a relationship

It is sometimes hard to support our parents health as they age and it is also hard to grieve their loss

It is hard to have a relationship with toxic parents and family members and it is also hard to lose belongingness with core attachments and our roots

It is hard to coparent following divorce but it is also hard to live with the guilt of your prolonged conflict negatively impacting your children’s relationships, mental health and overall life outcomes

It is hard to be married and it is also hard to get a divorce

It is hard to go to the doctor and it is also hard to live with the anxiety of not managing your health

It is hard to face your child’s needs and diagnoses and it is also hard to avoid them and not be able to help

It is hard to open our hearts to love and trust again and it is also hard to remain angry and alone

It is hard to radically accept our husband/wife/coparent/child as they are and it is also hard to live with resentment, disappointment, and contempt towards significant others in our lives.

It is hard to have a growth mindset and it is also hard to live with fear and insecurity of not ever trying or taking a risk

Journal Entry Idea

Write about the hard in your own life

The Surgeon General's Advisory: A Wake-Up Call for Parents on Social Media's Impact on Kids

In May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a landmark advisory highlighting the profound risks social media poses to youth mental health. This advisory serves as a critical alert to parents, educators, and policymakers about the urgent need to address the digital environments our children navigate daily.

Key Findings from the Advisory

Dr. Murthy emphasized that social media use among children and adolescents is nearly universal, with up to 95% of teens aged 13 to 17 reporting usage. Alarmingly, many spend over seven hours daily on these platforms. The advisory links excessive social media engagement to increased risks of depression, anxiety, poor sleep, and cyberbullying. Notably, teens who spend more than three hours per day on social media are at double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes . The full US Surgeon General and Youth Mental Health Advisory can be found here: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf.

Insights from 'The Anxious Generation'

Jonathan Haidt's book, The Anxious Generation, delves deeper into these concerns. Haidt argues that the pervasive use of smartphones and social media has significantly altered childhood and adolescence, particularly since 2010. He notes a near doubling of depression and anxiety rates among U.S. adolescents during this period, with suicide rates increasing significantly, especially among young girls . Jonathan Haidt’s book is a must read for all parents. https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Generation-Rewiring-Childhood-Epidemic/dp/0593655036

Haidt attributes these trends to several factors:

• Increased Screen Time: The constant presence of smartphones and social media has replaced face-to-face interactions, leading to feelings of isolation and diminished social skills.

• Social Comparison: Platforms that encourage constant comparison with peers can erode self-esteem and exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.

• Reduced Free Play: Overprotective parenting and safety concerns have led to a decline in unstructured play, which is crucial for developing resilience and coping mechanisms.

Recommendations for Parents

Both Dr. Murthy and Haidt offer actionable advice for parents:

• Delay Social Media Access: Consider postponing your child's entry into social media until at least high school. This aligns with Haidt's recommendation to delay smartphone usage until later ages.

• Establish Family Media Plans: Set clear boundaries around screen time, designate tech-free zones, and encourage offline activities that promote real-world connections.

• Promote Unstructured Play: Allow children to engage in free play, which fosters creativity, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.

• Model Healthy Digital Habits: Demonstrate balanced screen use and engage in meaningful offline interactions to set a positive example.

Conclusion

The Surgeon General's advisory, coupled with Haidt's research, underscores the urgent need for a collective effort to protect our children's mental health in the digital age. By staying informed and implementing thoughtful strategies, parents can help mitigate the risks associated with social media and foster environments that support healthy development.

Join me in advocating to support students with ASD in the classroom

In a recent study conducted by the CDC, 1 out of 68 children in the United States were identified with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. That is 1 in 49 boys and 1 in 189 girls were diagnosed with an ASD in 2010. What's more, according to Autism Speaks, approximately 1 out of 3 classrooms in the U.S. has a student on the spectrum. More than half of children with ASD are classified as relatively "high functioning," with IQs within the average range or above. Indeed, many of the children that I see in my practice could be quite successful in college or in a vocational career that they choose, with the necessary emotional, behavioral, and educational supports. Early therapeutic intervention and academic supports are vital in helping children with ASD to learn and grow to their fullest potential. While children with autism who have more severe difficulties with behavior or adaptive life skills are often identified in their classrooms, some children, including those who are academically high-achieving, have a more quiet and withdrawn temperament, and/or have some social interests, can be easily overlooked.  Every child deserves the opportunity to learn in a way that makes sense to them, so that they may strive to reach their fullest potential, whatever that may be. Please join me (and Autism Speaks) in calling on Congress to focus on supporting students with autism this fall. The autism speaks petition can be accessed at the following web address. 

http://cts.vresp.com/c/?AutismSpeaks/9811e8effc/13a0eac6a4/28506d8553/c=8hKPL7NMLpJ4G&b=9309293&utm_source=270IPM&utm_medium=email&utm_content=EM092915&utm_campaign=270IPMemails&msource=EM092915