Families Change Shape—Love Remains

In my ten years as a licensed psychologist working with coparents and families, one truth has remained remarkably consistent:
Children love their parents. And parents love their children.

This is true even in families experiencing significant strain. It is true when relationships are healthy and when they are fractured. It is true when parents are married, separated, divorced, in conflict, or struggling to communicate. While relationship quality can fluctuate—sometimes dramatically—the underlying attachment between children and their parents is enduring.

That bond is not fragile in the way we sometimes fear. It is deeply rooted, biologically driven, and central to a child’s sense of safety, identity, and self-worth.

The Sacred Nature of the Parent–Child Bond

The relationship between a child and their parents is sacred. It forms the foundation of how children come to understand themselves and the world around them. Through their parents, children learn whether they are lovable, whether relationships can be trusted, and whether they belong.

When children know they are securely attached—loved not conditionally, but fundamentally—they develop a sense of being anchored in something larger than themselves. This sense of rootedness becomes a protective factor across development, buffering stress, supporting resilience, and fostering healthy relationships later in life.

Even when families face hardship, this attachment remains one of the most powerful forces shaping a child’s emotional world.

Families Go Through Seasons

All families experience ups and downs. Parenting stress, financial strain, mental health challenges, special needs, illness, infidelity, divorce, or unresolved conflict can place enormous pressure on relationships. In these moments, it is common for relationship quality between adults to deteriorate.

What is important to remember is that relationship distress does not negate attachment. The presence of conflict does not mean the absence of love. And children are exquisitely sensitive to how adults frame these changes.

When families struggle, support is often needed—not because families are failing, but because relationships require care and intention to grow. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it is an investment in the emotional health of the family system.

The Message Children Need Most

If there is one gift parents can give their children—especially during times of transition or conflict—it is this message:

“No matter what happens between adults, we will always be a family.”

For children, this message is profoundly stabilizing. It communicates safety, continuity, and belonging in a world that may otherwise feel uncertain. It reassures children that love does not disappear when circumstances change.

Equally powerful is telling a child:

“I will always love your mom or dad because they gave me you—and you are so special to me.”

This statement does not require minimizing harm, denying pain, or overlooking real flaws. Rather, it acknowledges a fundamental truth from a child’s perspective: both parents are part of who they are.

Why Respecting the Other Parent Matters—Even When It’s Hard

Children internalize how parents speak about each other. When a parent is disparaged, rejected, or erased, children often experience this as a rejection of a part of themselves. This can quietly undermine self-esteem and create internal conflict, loyalty binds, and anxiety.

Messaging children that you respect and care about their other parent reinforces your unconditional love for them. The implicit message becomes:
“All of you is acceptable. All of where you come from is worthy of love.”

This is especially important in high-conflict situations, where emotions are raw and the impulse to defend oneself is strong. Protecting a child’s emotional world sometimes means holding back words that feel justified but would burden a child with adult pain.

Love Transcends Human Imperfection

Parents are human. All humans have flaws—sometimes significant ones. Children do not need their parents to be perfect; they need them to be safe, loving, and emotionally protective.

Human love has the capacity to transcend disappointment, anger, and even deep relational wounds. Children benefit most when parents can hold boundaries while still honoring the child’s need to love both parents freely.

Families may change shape. They may look different than originally imagined. But when children are consistently reminded that love endures, they carry that truth with them.

Final Thought

Families need support. Relationships need nurturing. And children need reassurance that the people they love will not disappear from their emotional lives.

No matter the structure of your family—together or apart—the most powerful message remains the same:

Love remains.

Dr. Amy Todey, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Parenting & Coparenting Psychology
www.todeypsychology.com